That New Mom Advice
Let’s be honest, I could write a whole blog post about the wonderful, unsolicited advice that people give you when you are pregnant. One day, I might write that post, but today I decided to talk about the fun advice people offer up when you have a baby. I should probably make a pot of coffee for this…
You know that wonderful feeling, as a new mom, when you are completely exhausted but you can’t imagine your life without the beautiful tiny human you brought home from the hospital? You are figuring things out as you go but then someone tells you that you are doing something wrong. Or they tell you that there is a better way to do something. Don’t get me wrong, I have called my mom many times since bringing our newborn home. I called her because I wanted her help. Key word, wanted. I have quickly learned that people don’t think before they offer their opinion on what you are doing, they just say it and you have to smile politely and nod.
Momma, you are doing amazing! Maybe your baby wears mittens but your friends baby doesn’t. Maybe your baby wears socks (that come off a lot) and your friends baby always has a pair of shoes on. Maybe you don’t like your baby to be passed around but your friends baby is held by people all the time. That is their choice and I’ll bet their baby is just fine. The thing is, you don’t have to do what other moms do. You get to decide who holds your baby, what your baby wears, and how your baby is taken care of. If you want to stay home because your baby doesn’t feel well, stay home.
When we got home with our baby, I finally understood what my mom meant when she said that God gives mothers instincts to take care of their children. Other people are not going to have that for YOUR child. I pray over my son every day and in doing so God gives me wisdom to care for him and raise him. There will be things my husband and I choose to do or not to do with our son. We may have friends that do the complete opposite. That’s okay!
I appreciate the mommas that offer help. When I was pregnant, I had two other women that are mothers tell me that a lot of people will try to offer their opinion on many things when it comes to raising my son, but to take it with a grain of salt because I am his mother.
Momma’s, this goes for friends AND family. Appreciate the family and the friends God has placed in your life. Ask for help when you need it. But also don’t be afraid to set boundaries and expect respect for how you choose to care for your child. I believe it does take a village. My husband and I are blessed with incredible family and friends but we still expect them to respect the decisions we make when it comes to our son.
There is a difference between offering to help by asking how you can, and offering up what you think is helpful advice (or your opinion) but in turn making a mom feel like she is doing something wrong. Yes, we will learn a lot along the way. And there will be things we always said we wouldn’t do or that wouldn’t happen, but will do those very things. Help us on this journey of motherhood by asking HOW, not by assuming you know what we need.
The Bible says “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” When we keep in communication with God, and His plans for our children, He will give us wisdom to do just what this verse says.
So hold your babies when others want to pass them. Put socks without shoes on their feet. Keep their hands covered or don’t. Stay home or take them everywhere with you. Your babies are blessed to have you as their momma! God entrusted them to YOU.
Lots of love,
Mariah
