Finding Purpose in Motherhood
“There is no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one. ”
I have only been a mom for 2 years so I am not a seasoned parent by any means but I have spent those two years reading blogs online just hoping there was another mom out there that felt the way I did some days. So I am writing this blog and hoping that maybe a mom that’s where I was, will feel seen and understood when in the thick of motherhood.
I remember being told that it can take months to start to feel like yourself again after having a baby. It wasn’t postpartum depression that was making that “who am I” feeling linger. I fought mom guilt for worrying about things that other moms didn’t worry about. I fought guilt as a wife because I knew motherhood had changed me and I needed to sit down and talk it out with my husband rather than getting irritated because he didn’t know what I needed in that season.
That season just ended for me. So, to put it in perspective, what I thought would only last months lasted almost 2 years. My takeaway is that motherhood is never going to be exactly how you thought it would be. It is the hardest and the most beautiful thing you will ever do! You do things you said you would never do. You can completely melt into a puddle with love for your child while almost simultaneously wanting to scream into the pillow to let out the frustration you feel.
Mom’s don’t get sick days, vacation days, or paid time off. Sure, date nights are a “break.” When your child stays with their grandparents you get a “break.” Maybe I am just crazy, but just because your child isn’t with you doesn’t mean you stop thinking about whether they are sleeping good, eating right, acting right, or in my case, having an allergic reaction while you aren’t with them. That has not happened, and we have EpiPen’s as a precaution, but it is still a very real thing always at the front of my mind since we found out about his allergies.
Have you seen the videos on social media where moms are showing exactly how their brain works? We go to switch the laundry and stop to pick up the family room. On the way to put something up out of the family room we realize the dishwasher needs emptied. Upon emptying the dishwasher, we find that the cabinet needs reorganized because the cups that fit yesterday don’t fit now and clearly something needs to change. That video may look funny, but it’s the honest truth! When you are a mom and a homemaker, it becomes an overwhelming balancing act. 8 months after my son was born, I remember it had just been one of those days… the kitchen was a complete disaster because dishes hadn’t been done in a couple days, laundry was piled high on the couch waiting to be folded, the baby had multiple messy diaper changes, I had spilled my coffee, not eaten, and hadn’t had a full nights sleep since before I found out I was pregnant. If you are a mom, then you probably understand this exact scenario. That evening, my son dumped his entire bowl of baby food on my thick carpet and on the way to the kitchen to get a rag to clean it, I tripped and spilled my entire plate of food all over the floor. Not the same area that I was already getting up to clean… no, an entire new spot to be thoroughly cleaned because our thick carpet is not easy to clean. So, as I’m sure you can imagine, I was about to explode. Not out of anger, but out of sheer exhaustion because that is NOT how I dreamed motherhood would be. I remember walking out of our sons room, after spending forever trying to lay him down without him waking up, and looking to my left, into our kitchen, and tears filled my eyes. I lost it. My poor husband had no idea what was going on. After telling him how overwhelming it was to spend ALL night and ALL day mothering, with no time to shower, let alone do housework, he simply told me to take a bath and go to bed. It was after that night that I began to notice he would clean the kitchen for me while I put our son to sleep so I would walk out to the one room in the house he knew I couldn’t stand a mess. If that’s not love, what is?!
Over the course of the last 2 years I had many days like that one. Every season looked different. Some seasons I had ample time with my husband in the evenings while our son slept. This season of raising a toddler that hates sleep, not so much. Some days I wake up and tackle all the housework in a matter of minutes, while others, I only have the energy to lift my coffee to my mouth and snuggle with my boy on the couch and watch his favorite movie. It’s called balance, mommas. Balance looks different for all of us, so you do YOU.
All that to say… until recently, I felt like I had no purpose except to be a mom. More conversations with a toddler than adults. Endless housework. Toys to be picked up multiple times a day. Constant worrying about being enough for my son… Then I started this blog. Then an Etsy shop. Then God showed me that I can be a wife and a mother and still be doing something fun and creative. He cares for us, friend.
Motherhood IS MINISTRY. It is a high calling! So when you are in the thick of it, remember this… God doesn’t abandon us when motherhood gets hard, we just get too busy to make Him part of it. So when you are in the thick of the newborn stage, or fighting the fits of a stubborn toddler, just thank Him. Thank Him for making you a mother. Not just any mother, but the mother He handpicked for your babies. He chose you.
I sure hope it doesn’t take you 2 years like it did me. I spent 2 years surviving when I could have been thriving had I allowed God to be more involved in His purpose for me rather than fighting battles He was aiding in all along.
Whenever you feel discouraged just remember, you are the center of the universe to tiny humans that you made from scratch. You’re kinda a big deal!
Great book for any mama in your life!
